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“晓月过残垒”的过错

“晓月过残垒,繁星宿故关。”这两句诗,Bynner 将之译成如下:

The moon goes down behind a ruined fort,
Leaving star-clusters above an old gate.

钱歌川认为 Bynner 是译错了,忘记补入主语就出了毛病,译者把“月”当作主语,实际上,“过”和“宿”的主语都是应该译成“you”(你)的,“晓月”和“繁星”只是副词而已。

这两句诗是唐朝司空曙写的,题为《贼平后送人北归》,全诗是这样的:

世乱同南去,时清独北还。
他乡生白发,旧国见青山。
晓月过残垒,繁星宿故关。
寒禽与衰草,处处伴愁颜。

Bynner 把整首诗译成这样:

In dangerous times we two came south,
Now you go north without me.
But remember my head growing white among strangers,
When you look on the blue of the mountains of home.
The moon goes down behind a ruined fort,
Leaving star-clusters above an old gate.
There are shivering birds and withering grasses,
Whichever way I turn my face.

刘师舜的译文就对了,是这样的:

I came south with you in times of disorder;
Now peace is restored, and you are off north alone.
While here your hair has begun to grizzle;
At home you'll look on the blue mountains.
You'll pass ruined forts while the moon still shines at dawn,
You'll spend the night in some old pass,
On which the light of myriad stars glistens;
And your sad company will be shivering birds and withered grass!

“晓月过残垒,繁星宿故关”这一联,与“他乡生白发,旧国见青山”这一联,是差不多的。但“他乡生白发”不会译错,因为“乡”是不会生白发的,只有人才会生白发。可是,“晓月”却是很容易译错,因为月也是会过残垒的,故不限于人。一不小心,就误解了。Bynner 之英译,原因在此。不过如果细味全诗,当领会到过残垒的是人而非月。

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